Friday, March 5, 2010

"Ever Wondered"

Oh, boy, another stupid conservative forward. Bring ‘em on.

****

ORIGINAL MESSAGE:

Subject: What side of the fence?

If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

Lot of truth here!

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn’t buy one.If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".

Well I forwarded it to you so where does that put me?

Kathryn Boyd Stakelin

****
You know me; I just have to return the favor and send these forwards back with my complimentary clarifications.

REALITY ADJUSTED MESSAGE:


Subject: What side of the fence?

If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!
(A test has questions about facts. This is a sanctimonious lecture.)

Lot of truth here!
(A lot of BS here.)

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn’t buy one.If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
(Many of my liberal friends and I have firearms.)
(It’s not the guns we don’t like, it’s the murder. Remember the slaughtered Tennessee Unitarians?)


If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
(Name just ONE of these people, please.)

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
(A gay conservative is very lonely and shuts up to avoid the hatred and judgment of peers.)
(Both gay liberals and gay conservatives want equal rights.)


If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

(A conservative will still gladly accept that “socialist” unemployment or Social Security check.)

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.
(This is what Rush “Liberals Hate America” Limbaugh told you, right?)

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!
(Liberals want religion out of government policy, not silenced.)

(So Christianity is a Native American religion? The country’s first Bibles were brought here by foreigners.)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.
(I didn’t know conservatives went “shopping” for ambulances and emergency rooms.)
(And good luck on that health care providing job you “choose”.)


If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".
(Really? So why am I laughing at this nonsense?)

Well I forwarded it to you so where does that put me?

Kathryn Boyd Stakelin

*****

Since I can't help the fact I have such compassion for conservatives, I thought I would return their kindness with a friendly response as well.

To Kathryn Boyd Stakelin and her sheeple:


If a conservative wants to form and share an opinion, he’ll just repeat stupid slogans.
If a liberal wants to form and share an opinion, he’ll read and seek information himself.

A conservative thinks Big Business should run the government.
A liberal thinks government should regulate Big Business.

A conservative SAYS he is a Christian, but tells the poor they are on their own.
A liberal may, or may not, be a Christian, but supports a safety net for those whose jobs are sent overseas by rich Republicans.

A conservative always sides with the rich and powerful.
A liberal Jesus said, ‘Sell what you have and give to the poor.”

A conservative wants MORE tax breaks for the rich.
A liberal Jesus said, “Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's.”

A conservative supported Bush’s lies and his war on Iraq, and called liberals unpatriotic.
A liberal Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” A conservative Pope also opposed the war.

“A liberal will delete it because he's "offended",”
is yet another presumptuous and incorrect statement.
A conservative will more likely be offended and angry after reading this.

Maybe this presents a better picture of just where the fence is.

Well Kathryn, you forwarded this, so we know where that puts you.
Well I think for myself and I responded to this, so where does that put me?

14 comments:

Weaseldog said...

I guess that big business owners and bankers are liberals, because they all want to live off of taxpayer funded welfare whore handouts.

Just look at all the free money they beg for in industries such as oil and gas, defense, and finance.

The wealthiest Republicans are simply a long line of beggers, looking for a free handout.

So where did you find those comments?

Dave Dubya said...

Wease,
Corporate Socialism is what we have.

I have a buddy with conservative family and friends who send the forwards.

I always put my "Reality Adjustments" in blue underneath the stupidity.

I was inspired to add a further response this time.

Mauigirl said...

Thank you for responding to that bunch of BS. I have a sort-of friend who is a conservative who sends me stuff like this all the time and I usually can't help but respond too! I just can't let her get away with spreading this ridiculous propaganda. She also sends me all the stuff about Obama not being born here and all the rest. These people are completely brainwashed.

Tom Harper said...

I like your version better than the original "Ever Wondered" that somebody forwarded to you. That person had it totally backwards. It's liberals who practice live and let live; conservatives who want to ban everything they don't like.

an average patriot said...

That's pretty good! I knew I was but I guess I am a conservative to each his or her own liberal.

Dave Dubya said...

Mauigirl,
I'm glad to hear you respond in kind to the forwards. You may feel free to share my adjusted versions with your conservative friends, too. I wonder how they react to reality when they see it? I bet they usually just delete and forget.

Tom,
Backwards seems to be the most generally apt description for their beliefs.

Jim,
Yes, simple minds love a simple black and white explanation.

betmo said...

i keep hoping evolution speeds itself up and conservatism goes the way of the dinosaurs. i keep hopin'...... and those types of emails don't come to me anymore with any frequency because, while less eloquent than you, i simply refute the lies...

Dave Dubya said...

Betmo,
Too bad evolution is so slow. Conservatives are proof we're STILL apes.

libhom said...

A lot of us liberals do want guns banned. Every civilized society eventually bans private gun ownership.

Dave Dubya said...

Libhom,
True, many liberals, especially urban liberals, want guns banned. And their reason is justly based on the horrible rampant murder and senseless accidents by the evil and the foolish.

I fear this country would see a bloody path to firearm confiscation. I think prohibition of firearms in America would produce some of the same consequences that alcohol and drug prohibition brought about. That said, I have no problem with sane regulations of sale and possession.

Ending the destructive war on drugs, and getting more jobs and education to the people, I think, would go far towards a more practical solution.

TomCat said...

As one who volunteers in a prison, here's my addition. Conservatives see crime and want punishment. Liberals see crime and want punishment. progressives see crime and want rehabilitation. ;-)

Dave Dubya said...

TomCat,
Maybe you’re a bit generous. To me it would be: Progressives see crime and want jobs, education, and fair laws enacted. Liberals see crime and want justice. Centrists see crime and want punishment. Conservatives see crime and want to brutalize criminals. Reich Wingers see dissent and non-conformity and call it crime.

TomCat said...

Add Teabaggers commit crime and call it patriotism.

Anonymous said...

Dave, liberalism has shriveled your brain like a raisin. You know what they say: use it or lose it. Unfortunately, it is too late for you.