Despite my number of years on this Earth and in this country, and despite my experiences with some marginally, and not so marginally, outlaw fringes of our society, I must admit something. I am rather a bit of a square.
Yes, I admit, before last year, I never had a clue what “teabagging” was. I’m a coffee drinker anyway.
And though I’ve spent many, many hours observing aquatic flora and fauna while using a mask to see and a snorkel to breathe, I apparently still don’t know what “snorkeling” is.
Eric Massa (D-NY) announced his resignation from the House of Representatives over what? Tickle fights? Well, ok, maybe it’s good we don’t have such dreadful violence in our halls of government when we have the urgency of pointless cruel wars to wage and a world to militarily dominate.
I guess it’s more important for us to be outraged that an individual might be in bed with someone against our approval.
After all, this kind of distraction is very important to a corporate media that would rather spend countless hours and pages of print on tantalizing trivia, than discuss the topic of an entire government in bed with Wall Street and insurance corporations.
Thank goodness we have all those radical right politicians to tell us what this shocking lapse of decency means. I saw House of Representative Reich Wing leader John Boehner demanding a thorough investigation into who knew what and when about what and when and how and where and why and who Massa did, however and whatever he did. After all, Boehner is only trying to protect the high ethical standards of Congress, you know.
Sean Hannity dutifully gave cover with his assertion that it, “...Looks like this is only the latest instance of intimidation to come from the Obama White House."
Meanwhile Republican hetero-scoundrels John Ensign and David Vitter remain in office to dictate morality to the rest of America. This is in addition, of course, to protecting the high ethical standards of the Senate.
As we take comfort in Republicans maintaining our government’s upstanding behavior, we need someone to guide and enlighten the rest of us in this time of national moral distress.
Enter Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck.
First we behold Rush’s eloquent conservatism and racial sensitivity in colorful display as he explained the political ramifications and complexities of Massa’s vacant House seat.
"So, David Paterson will become the massa who gets to appoint whoever gets to take Massa's place. So, for the first time in his life, Paterson's gonna be a massa."
Now, if any of you liberals out there see anything racist in this, it only proves Rush was right when he said, “Liberals are the racists.” Liberals are so racist, they see racism everywhere, even in Rush. He’s got us there, doesn’t he?
Next up we have the mighty Beckerhead himself, fresh from defending the innocent against Socialist, Marxist, Fascist churches with their social and economic justice agendas. On his radio show, Beck stated: "I beg you, look for the words 'social justice' or 'economic justice' on your church website. If you find it, run as fast as you can. Social justice and economic justice, they are code words."
Hmm, code words, as in, “fair and balanced” means both right wing AND radical right?
After cautioning us against the horrible iniquities of church-driven social and economic justice, Glenn was going to bring the hammer down on the sinister Democratic Party with the help of Eric Massa. Glenn devoted the entire hour of his TV show for an interview with Massa. He was about to blow the lid off the entire ring of moral turpitude in the Democratic Party. He had just the guy to break open the inside story.
The irony was, while attempting to frame the crooked Democrats, Beck actually got Massa to blurt out the REAL reason behind the corruption in DC. Massa told him campaign finance reform was the first step needed to combat corruption.
Beck ignored this, of course. Instead he apologized for “wasting” our time. Thanks for the groundbreaking journalism there, Glenn. But fear not, even when wasting our time our hero genius still offers us a very valuable lesson.
"You cannot lie to the American people for very long unless you're really good."
Yes, it takes one to know one, eh, Glennie?
So, thanks to our Reich Wing heroes and the corporate media, America can rest easy in our moral certainty and enjoy the show.
Naughty is naughty, but corruption is business as usual. No story there.