Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Romney's Concession Speech

My fellow Real Americans. This is not a concession speech. For I did not lose this election to that godless socialist they call Obama. This is not my fault. I am not to blame. The liberal media have stolen the election, and I have been betrayed by my Party.

Now we can’t take my country back, I mean our country back, from the Marxist liberals.

I am the one entitled to the presidency. It is MY turn.

The American people must be confused. I have money, gosh darn it. And Big Money was on MY side. Why didn’t the American people respect that, and vote for me?

Don’t they know how things are supposed to work in America? More money was spent on this election by my friends than by those democrat bums. The Koch brothers and old man Adelson spent more than Obama’s Hollywood Satanist elites.

Is money not sacred in our elections anymore? Not even after Citizens United? My blue blood thaws at the very notion!

This must surely be the apocalypse that I warned you about if I didn’t win.

I know what happened. I’m a victim of treachery and betrayal from the likes of that brown-nosed Christie, who thinks federal aid for people after a hurricane is more important than ME.

And those turncoat Tea Party idiots have also cost me the election. They were supposed to win this for me. They told me America hates Obama and loves them.

After all my pandering to the Tea Party, look at how the ingrates turned their backs on me. They screwed up, not me.

Their rising stars Akin and Mourdock explained how women won't get pregnant from real rape, and even if she gets pregnant, it's God's will. And they still went and lost to the socialists. Unbelievable! Who can I trust if not the Tea Party?

And what happened to my home state? Massachusetts stabbed me in the back. I never did like those liberal New Englanders anyway.

And my other home state Michigan betrayed me too, and that’s where my birth certificate is!

But the joke is on them. Their trees are not the right height! I just told them that to make them like me.

I’m not buying any more homes in those states again. That'll teach them.

Thanks a lot...for nothing! I’ve taken every possible position on every issue, but was that good enough for you?? Noooo!

None of you are good enough for me now.

You are all now as useless as the other 47% of Americans I don’t like.

No, I will not concede the election to Obama. He didn’t really win.

Americans are too conservative for that to happen.

I said, Americans are too conservative for that to happen...

...Well...where’s the applause after that line from my teleprompter?

Hello?? Are you listening to me??



Jerry Critter said...

It couldn't happen to a more deserving man...both the winner and the loser.

Jefferson's Guardian said...

Let's hear it for the mandate for "socialism"! ;-)

Hip hip hooray!

Darrell Michaels said...

It is ironic that your blog mentions freedom rants. Romney did not lose yesterday as it really wasn't about him. It was about protecting what was left of America, capitalism, and constitutionalism. All of those things will now perish along with the collapse of the American economy and dollar during the next four years. One wonders if you will notice and rant then...

Grung_e_Gene said...

This is a clarion call for a Democratic Socialist Agenda. This is a Center-Left Nation.

Jerry Critter said...

Yes, TP, Romney and the republicans lost yesterday. Deal with it.

Darrell Michaels said...

No Jerry. America lost yesterday. We are on the road to being just like Europe. I expect American exceptionalism will rival Greece's by the time Obama's next four years are up. The best we can hope for as Americans is that Obama keeps his stupid ass on the golf course even more.

Shaw Kenawe said...

"T. Paine said...
No Jerry. America lost yesterday."

This is what people who did not get what they wanted say.

America did NOT lose a thing yesterday. The people voted in an free and open election in a democracy and the people made a choice. They chose Mr. Obama for another 4 years.

There were no riots in the streets, no one died trying to vote, no one was dragged off to the gulag.

Your overwrought dramatics are silly in the face of evidence that the people made a free and open choice.

Just because you don't like the outcome of the election, it does not follow that this country or any of the people who voted are losers.

I have an idea. Why not congratulate the winners, act like a decent person, and accept what your fellow Americans chose.

It's not that hard to do.

Jerry Critter said...

Don't like the results? Tough shit! Next time get a better candidate. Obama was vulnerable, but the republicans had nothing but a bunch of losers. Romney was their best shot and he fell flat.

Maybe the republican powers really did not want to win this election. They probably wanted to wait another 4years and let the Democrats finish cleaning up the republican mess. After all, the republicans cannot govern. They need a well functioning economy when they take over. Then they can step in and liquidate it, steal the money, pay off their benefactors, start a war, and run it into the ground, just like they did the last time they were in power.

Tom Harper said...

LOL. I'm sure this is what Romney was thinking when he gave his concession speech. His actual speech said nice things but he didn't look or sound like he meant a word of it.

John Myste said...


That was hilarious. I actually think the other concession speech Romney whipped up in the final hour, amid smoke and rubble, was the best one I heard come from his lips.

I cannot know what he really thinks. He never says when the cameras are rolling, but I give him props for a great concession.

He left with dignity.