Sunday, August 17, 2008

Democratic Party Platform

Many of us have become more than frustrated at the Democrats’ perennial habit of shooting themselves in the foot. They have an unmatched record of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

Are they really such incompetent idiots? Inclined as I am to be convinced of this, I’m compelled to consider an alternate view.

If I may, I’d like to suggest a possible method to their madness. Here's what I believe is the Democrats’ real platform.

They want McCain to win.

Stay with me here. The future hopes and aspirations of the Democratic Party lie in a McCain Presidency.

And it’s not just for Hillary’s ambitions for 2012 either. It can’t be that simple, but close.

If the Democrats actually let the debacle in Iraq work in their favor in retaking congress, maybe they have a grander vision.

First they allow McCain to steal the election. As if they would resist! And then they watch idly as the economy collapses, and chaos quickly grows pandemic. As all hell breaks loose, the Democrats will feebly try to pin the whole mess on the Republicans. Simple, right?

Unfortunately the Republicans will have been in power long enough to convince the American sheeple it was all liberalism’s fault.

Then the Democrats will announce their new "shift to the center" (somewhere to the right of Reagan) so the nation can move on, in the spirit of unity. Meaning we will continue the corporate/Republican agenda.

Halliburton will be granted exclusive privatization of our highways and infrastructure. Citizens will be charged a users’ fee to be conveniently deducted from their paycheck, savings, or IRA.

Blackwater’s Homeland Security Service will cruise the streets and randomly pop into citizens’ homes for their unannounced Patriotism Inspection. Everyone will agree they feel safer.

If the Blackwater Contractors deem it necessary, books, music, and home computers will be cleansed of unpatriotic material and the owners will be sent to Camp Goodling for re-education.

Bipartisan success will be trumpeted from the White House and Americans will all contentedly return to their couches. There they will have the luxury to watch their choice of over two hundred and thirty Fox channels on TV.

They will be told in a fair and balanced way that life has never been better in America.

And they will believe.


Robert Rouse said...

And i thought The Exorcist was scary!

Dave Dubya said...

Purging neocon fascist demons caps a long week of being knocked down ill with gastro-intestinal difficulties... And then our dog followed me with her turn of GI purging.

Yup, that kind of week.

We're OK now.

Anything else happen?

Anonymous said...

"And they will believe."

They already do, Dave, they already do.

Weaseldog said...

You make it sound like the Democrats and the Republicans are on opposing teams.

They are working together in the spirit of bipartisanship.

Nancy Pelosi has made it clear that she feels that they have to work together, or America will be divided. I think this is code for, "If I rock the boat, lobbyists will quit giving me money."

Ultimately, no matter who wins, we lose.

Dave Dubya said...

Brother Tim,

I'm in the wrong business. If I wanted success I would be selling bridges and swampland.


The Democrats and Republicans ARE opposing teams. They both oppose the rest of us.

And yes, they are both working to get McCain elected.

jmsjoin said...

You know, you got me thinking and I am sure we talked about it before but them SOB's drive us shit house with their screams and threats of justice then they cave in without exception.
It makes me realized in this too we are dead on. We always accuse them of complicity. We say Bush and the right have dredged up dirt on everyone.
We talk of the 3/14 secret Congressional meeting on declaring martial order. We talk of Bush pundits calling for a lifetime dictatorship for the scum. man all I can say is hold on for this fall!

Anonymous said...

Shooting one's self in the foot is painless when the weapon is loaded with nothing but blanks.

Unknown said...

Camp Goodling~I almost laughed. But then, I realized you might not be too far off the mark with this post..

Dave Dubya said...


In a way, I am more ashamed of the Dims. Hypocrisy is their only tool, while the Rethugs are masters of deception.


Those might be blanks. The Dems still stumble like there's lead in their feet.


I miss the days when exaggeration used to be a comedic device. Now it’s a defense mechanism.

Anonymous said...

socialism on the left; fascism on the right. it's hard to win these days...

Unknown said...

Socialism ain't a bad thing..look at Medicare and the Veterans Administration.

Also, your fire and police departments are a form of socialism..just saying.

Dave Dubya said...

Socialism is what used to be in the middle between communism and fascism.

As far as the relative effects of socialism and fascism, compare the number of countries invaded by Sweden and Denmark v. Germany and Italy in the last century.

In the 21st century we have the US and Russia doing the invading.

In these times the terms are becoming antiquated. We live under expanding global corporatism.