Saturday, July 22, 2017

The Light of the Right Through The Glass Darkly

As I may have mentioned, I've been studying con-servatism for years. I've heard Limbaugh. I've watched FOX News. I have even read many good con-servative bloggers. I learned I'm a real American, and I learned liberals are to blame for everything. Most of all, I learned to believe. I learned to stop thinking and just believe. 

That's how it's done. Ya just gotta believe, especially believe people with lots of money. Trust me. Or better yet, trust the GOP and Trump. 

I now trust the good Christians of the Republican Party. Because I now believe Republicans are God's Own Party. And most of all I believe, and believe in, our president. He's rich AND he's a star! That's proof enough for me that he knows way more than I do.

That was it. My learning is complete. My eyes are opened! My con-servative soul is reborn. 

Thank God that White Nationalist Jesus sent Trump to save America! At last, we are a great country! Unbelievable personal liberty! And so much prosperity for everyone! It’ll make your head spin.

Our con-servative agenda is finally in full swing. Crackdown on the drug war. More asset forfeiture without conviction. Longer prison sentences. Break up those Mexican families. Wooo Hooo! Smell the liberty!

Shut down climate research! No more Global Conspiracy of Evil Climate Scientists. Dear Leader will shut them up for good. Smell the freedom!

Open the floodgates for our job creatin' polluters! Smell that fresh air of prosperity! Drink that “Liberty Lead” in your water, Flint!

Deregulate Wall Street! Let there be big league prosperity for the most worthy and morally superior pillars of capitalism. 

Cut taxes for the rich! They have suffered long enough. Great prosperity will magically trickle down to the rest of us. This time I promise it will. Remember, ya gotta believe.

Time to cut Medicaid for all the sick parasites, and take food stamps from those whiny little poor kids. We’ll show them what good con-servatism will do for them. Let ’em pull themselves up by their bootstraps, just like our Dear Leader did since he was only two years old. 

We were only mocking the Black Guy. Trump is the real messiah, and he will lead the Great Republican Revolution for a new (Mostly White) American Aristocracy!

No wonder us true believin' Republicans and con-servatives are falling in love with Putin. It's ’cause he knows what’s best for America. 

Trump. Yeee Haww!

I bet Putin told him just what they would do in their secret meeting. First, stop supporting them damn Syrian rebels. They annoy Vlad's other little buddy Assad. 

And sanctions, schmanctions. There's deals to be made. We all know our president is a legitimate businessman. You believe that, right?  I know you do.

Trump's playin' it smart, keepin' what's said between him and Putin a secret from us. Kremlin Don knows who to trust, I tell ya. Ya gotta let the genius do what he knows best. 

Don and Vlad, they ain't a gonna be fooled by no fake news on CNN, or them dumb-ass USintelligence agencies. These two tough, smart leaders know what's best for America and the world. Just ask 'em.

Prosperity and power for those who have it! (Especially for Don and Vlad.)

Health care for those who can afford it! Free speech for the rich! A Federal government in shambles! This is what makes America great!

And what about them what got a problem with that? Punishment, exclusion, and silence for them Muslims, Blacks, Mexicans, liberals and other losers.

In other words, more WINS for Don and Vlad.Woo Hooo! USA! USA! KGB! KGB!

God bless real Americans and the Real America! To Hell with loony liberals and their commie agenda! Putin’s Puppet is in charge.

Thank you, Jesus! We knew you loved America best. You can hold off on the Rapture as long as Trump is our Dear Leader, for Heaven has descended upon our humble, and once again great, Christian nation


Jefferson's Guardian said...

Gee, how can I join up to be a con-servative?

Dave Dubya said...


This is your lucky day!

"Con-Class" is in session.

How to become a con-servative?

It's simple. Believe.

Just believe the Cult of Right-wing Authoritarian Personalities. Once you buy the CRAP, you never go back. Soon you will be thanking Jesus for sending Trump to save America.

You will learn who is to be accused for destroying America, and blamed for everything bad; while pretending to value personal responsibility. Once you get real mad at liberals, Blacks, Muslims, and Mexicans, and frightened enough of their evil, your brain's primitive reptilian amygdala will start firing up. When this happens, the CRAP is your comfort and cure. You will find meaning in a group identity based on fear, anger, resentment and hate. Of course I'm talking about humble and loving Christian fear, anger, resentment and hate. You know, the good kinds that meet with approval from White Nationalist Jesus.

You learn to revere wealth and obey the wealthy, not only because are they superior morally and intellectually, but because you will also become rich. Yes, once the evil government submits to the dictates of corporate free speech all con-servatives will become wealthy.

I promise.

You learn that you are a real American, but tragically a victim of those tyrannical socialist Constitutional taxes, Constitutional regulation of commerce and Constitutional provision for the general welfare.

But fear not, there is salvation from Constitutional Socialism.

Only the rich and con-servatives know what's best for the majority of Americans, just as con-servative men know what's best for all women.

Why worry about the poor and victims of injustice, as long as you are not one of them? You will learn the poor deserve to be poor because they are stupid and lazy. (And of course you know we're not referring to poor whites who share our victimization, right?) Why should we let these undeserving parasites get government run health care on our dime? It's not what White Nationalist Jesus would want.

And think of all the new friends you will make in Russia! Nothing feels better than hating most Americans who disagree with Trump, while loving Putin's strong leadership and concern for us real Americans. Try it, you'll like it.

You will learn to despise journalism and their fake news! You will to scorn higher education as socialist indoctrination! Let me tell ya, it feels real good to know better than those smarty-pants reporters and college professors.

Why worry about science when alternative facts are more comforting? Why worry about climate change as long as it doesn't directly hurt you? And if it does, then we just blame liberals. It's a win/win politically.

So get on board! We have ALL the answers! Find out what it feels like to be a winner for a change.

Dave Dubya said...

Thank you, White Nationalist Jesus!! Here's what I'm talking about:

"President Trump has been working nonstop, 70 days in a row, hasn’t taken a day off.

He is unashamed in standing up for increasing an awareness of God in the United States. He recognizes how important that is and that that is a basis of Western civilization … As a believer in Jesus Christ, I could not be more happy with what I am seeing coming out of the Trump White House. This is beyond my wildest expectations.

The president himself is man of prayer and man who loves to receive prayer. He is a man who, I do believe, understands who the God of the Bible is and he wants to lift up the God of the Bible here in the United States … The Lord is working mightily in our government and I believe it is because God is being reverenced, God is being lifted up. Prayer is not foreign in the White House, it’s not foreign in the Executive Office Building; looking to God, looking through Bible studies, this is not foreign anymore."

-Michele Bachmann

Jefferson's Guardian said...

So if I join up and become a "con-servative", I'd be able to love Jesus and be a racist?

Dave Dubya said...


Yes, just like Real Americans.

Southern conservative slave owners understood Jesus had no problem with owning Black slaves. Then those damn Yankee liberals ruined everything. Lincoln was really just a liberal in Republican clothing, what with his anti-states' rights war of aggression, federalism, income taxes, and abolition.

Those slave owners' Southern white Klansmen kinsmen of today are proud of their heritage.They put crosses on their robes and love a good cross burning too. Of course they are no longer democrats.

There's a divine reason Trump rose to popularity espousing racist birther lies. That's just how White Nationalist Jesus works his wonders on Real Americans.

And remember, nobody knows the Bible better than Trump. You believe that, don't you?

Let’s rejoice in this pastor’s faithful guidance for our Republican leadership:

From Raw Story :

Pastor Ralph Drollinger’s website Capitol Ministries, however says that the Christian pastor presides over weekly Bible Study meetings with Trump Cabinet officials.

Drollinger, Fusion’s Brendan O’Connor wrote is “(a) former college basketball star turned evangelical Christian whose own church disavowed him over his bigotry and radical theology.”

The controversial pastor, O’Connor said, “has variously proclaimed that Catholicism is ‘the world’s largest false religion,’ that female legislators who continue working after having children are sinners, and that homosexuality is an ‘abomination.’ He has also written that social welfare programs are un-Christian. ‘It is safe to say that God is a Capitalist,’ Drollinger once wrote, ‘not a Communist.'”

Drollinger is a devoted friend and supporter of Attorney Gen. Jeff Session, who he said in January “hungers and thirsts for the Scripture.” The pastor takes credit for inculcating Sessions with radical anti-immigrant views, which were on display during Sessions’ contentious confirmation hearings.

“I’ve had the distinct honor of teaching him on this subject, and many others,” Drollinger said. “There’s nothing more exciting, when you’re a Bible teacher, to see one of the guys you’re working with — to see him or her articulate something you’ve taught them when they’re under the gun.”

Capitol Ministries, Drollinger says, is a “para-church ministry” that caters to a “target audience” of U.S. legislators. In Sep. 2015, Drollinger told an interviewer that his dream is to set up a “factory” that pumps out right-wing Christian politicians like former U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN).

Bachmann serves on the board of Capitol Ministries and Drollinger has praised her as having unerring instincts when it comes to applying her Christian faith to the law.

“She thinks Biblically,” he said. “She doesn’t need a whole lot of time to figure out how to vote because she sees the world through a scriptural lens. We need more men and women like her in office.”

O’Connor reported that Drollinger holds three weekly prayer and Bible study groups: “one for Cabinet members (‘7:00 am Wednesdays Mornings. Location Undisclosed. Light Refreshments Served.’); one for the Senate (‘8:00 am Tuesdays, Rotating Offices of Senators. Hot Breakfast Served.’); and one for members of the House (‘Capitol H324: Monday or Tuesday Evenings after First Votes Back. Dinner Served.’)”

Capitol Ministries groups have been sponsored by now-CIA Director Mike Pompeo, Vice President Mike Pence, Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price and Rep. Mike Conaway (R-TX).

God and his White Nationalist Jesus are Republicans. What more proof do we need?

Can I get an amen?

Jefferson's Guardian said...

I'll "amen that", my brother.

It's almost as if the installation of Donald Trump as president was "preordained" in order to set the stage for a theocratic government. Trump isn't the linchpin, so much, but actually the diversion designed to take everyone's eye off what's really going on.

I do wonder how they will get around "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion...", in Amendment 1? I suppose it's really a rhetorical question, isn't it?...since they seemingly had no problem "abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble...", did they? It's just a matter of redefining "speech", "press" and "assemble".

I mean, c'mon, they finally and successfully totally redefined what constitutes a "person". No longer are Constitutional rights restricted solely to human persons; legal fictions such as corporate persons have essentially garnered all the constitutional protections once solely bestowed upon human beings...well, white ones anyway.

The "golden rule" trumps all. He who has the gold, makes the rules. For now, anyway.

Dave Dubya said...

The Golden Rule of Mammon is what makes America great, brother.

The new Golden Rulers are just what White Nationalist Republican Jesus wants for us. The money changers, bankers, corporate executives, and the rich are his disciples.

Never mind what the New Testament says, that will only confuse you. Just put your faith and trust in the CRAP.

Dave Dubya said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you, White Nationalist Jesus!!

“God is doing something. God is speaking. God is taking over. And I’ll tell you what, I wouldn’t fool with Trump. You better be careful, because I want to tell you, there is going to be judgment come if America turns its back on what God is trying to do, because God is trying to save America.”

-Jim Bakker

I can't imagine whatever came over me to call this bunch a cult...