Thursday, December 18, 2008

Another Forward

Yes, it's time again for another feel-good/liberal-hating/right-wing forward. And you all know how much I love those little misguided, Fox addled, authoritarian brain farts.

Here's today's pea-brain patriot's piffle.

Subject: FW: A Marine!

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting."

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole. So, He sent me."




Then God told me to send this to the other fortunate recipients of the Marine story.

And in other news headlines:

Disturbed Veteran Assaults College Professor: Two More Victims Of Bush's War of Error

After his arrest, the Marine with undiagnosed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder claimed he heard the voice of God telling him to attack the professor.

The Bush Administration is pressing the VA to reduce the number of PTSD cases by reclassifying the problem as "adjustment disorder", and thus providing the vets with less treatment and benefits.

After a forensic psychiatric examination, the ACLU offered to represent the Marine's case in court, free of charge.

The Marine later apologized to the understanding professor and said, "Thank God someone is there to protect the troops".


jmsjoin said...

LMAO! As I was reading that I knew what was coming and was waiting for the punch line!
He should have simply said I did not mean those believers of lies told by a perverted Christian doing a false Gods work!

billie said...


it's too bad that your bit is probably true. sigh.

Kulkuri said...

I received that same e-mail from my cousin who is retarded Navy (after 20 years you come out retarded) before I gave up on communicating with him. I got tired of bullshit like this and the stupid Bible-Banging shit that he sent to me. I kept trying to tell him that now he was a free man and was allowed to think for himself and no longer required to listen to Rush.

Anonymous said...

My father, a career NCO, would tell you right damn now that the job of every soldier was to protect the right of dissenters to dissent, no matter how the soldier personally feels about the nature of the dissent.

Wingtard "patriots," who get about as close to a recruiter's office as ZZ Top does to a barber shop, don't know SHIT about being a soldier or what it entails.

Utah Savage said...

Well, not being a soldier myself, I don't get these gems sent to me. So I found the whole thing pretty funny.

I went to group therapy yesterday and kind of acted out like the soldier in the first post. Room full of old bipolar Mormons. We go around the table and everyone's solution to the Christmas Blues we all have is to pray. We also have to come up with "triggers" for our case of the blues. I proudly proclaimed my atheism and then said my "trigger was the passage of Prop 8. No one knew what Prop 8 is, so I got to give them a lesson in the politics of organized and rich religion. They asked me how the passage of Prop 8 effected me. I told them, "Let's say I'm gay, for instance, and my love lives in California, and we want to get married on Valentines Day. You religion has now taken away my civil right to marry the person I love." The room fell silent and the few glances I got were like they were sitting next to the devil herself. I be bad.

jmsjoin said...

Good girl Utah give yourself a hug!

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Dave: Nice words on Utah's blog about my self-outing project. I'm giving you some props at my spot for it.

Dave Dubya said...

We might as well be entertained in some way by the right wing crap. It isn't going away.


Since facts mean nothing anymore, we might as well put some truth in fiction.


Americans are afraid to think for themselves. We are conditioned that way by the military/industrial/media complex.


And that's the difference between patriots and authoritarians.


You are my hero.


Thanks so much.

two crows said...

isn't it just like the right-wing-xtian-nuts to put forth practicing violence as "doing God's Work"?

and, isn't it a true Bushism to lean on the psychologists to change the diagnoses of thousands of vets? then they declare the number of folks with PTSD to have gone down and say, "Mission Accomplished!"